confidently clumsy.

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I have the worst spatial awareness.  I’m the kind of person that misjudges doorways and table corners.  There are bruises to prove it.  I also trip on flat surfaces.  Let’s not even talk about stairs. Nothing is smooth about my demeanor.

I’ve pretty much been a mess since I was a little girl.  I grew up less than confident about my capabilities.

At the age of three, I danced my way to a broken collar bone.  Just as I perfected my Rockette line kicks on the back of the couch, I catapulted myself into the wall.

I was reminiscing with a friend yesterday about the time I walked... no CHARGED through her screen door in the middle of a crowd.  The screen won. Everyone, especially my husband got a good thirty minutes of cry/laughing.  I still owe her a new screen actually.

I wish I could say I am just clumsy, but I’m a mess in most areas of my life.  The “ungraceful” trait has always been woven into who I am.

I’m five minutes late everywhere.

I have a knack for saying the wrong things at inopportune times.

I’m incredibly forgetful.  My daily routine includes some sort of misplacement of a necessary item.  Keys, wallet, kids... you know. I’ve lost permanently lost my wedding ring...twice.

The list goes on.

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Usually, it’s easy for me to go about life not noticing the awkward creature I can be.  It’s the little fails that can take a hit on my confidence and remind me of my short comings.

In this world, we are taught to hold our head high and show no weakness.  So much value and worth go into having it all together.  These moments are fun for me to look back on and laugh, but deep down expose a fear in me that I am not enough.

A few years ago I was reading a verse I had read before many times.  But on this particular time of reading it, it came to mean so much more.  I began to realize the beauty of weakness.  When I feel like I don’t have it together or I am not enough, on the days when those lies about my worth tend to creep in, I am reminded of this...

{2 Corinthians 12:6-12}

“I don’t want anyone imagining me as anything other than the fool you’d encounter if you saw me on the street or heard me talk.

 Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. ”

Insecurity, failure and self doubt can often be immobilizing.  I know they are for me.  The next time you feel less than worthy or foolish, may it drive you to remember grace.  May it remind you that even He came in weakness.  And may it push you to rely on His strength.

*erin