a day late and dollar short.

It is still morning and it has already been one of those days.  I don’t wake up with birds singing, but I am definitely an optimist.

It’s the little things that poke the holes in my sails.

"Why don’t I own an umbrella?" I am drudging my little ones through the downpour as we arrive late to preschool.

I spent 30 minutes in an aisle at target, on my phone, trying to activate my new debit card.  I am miserably failing the multiple choice questions. “What is your father in law’s middle name?” “Uhhh..” “Which one of these astrological signs correlate with your husband’s birthday.”  I mean, I don’t even know my own blood type. I always forget to ask.  (Add it to my to-do list).

An iced coffee down the shirt, a text to the wrong friend (same name, different person) and was one dollar short at checkout.  After it all I forgot the one thing I needed from Target…

As, I sit here trying to re-boot my day, I keep coming back to a verse I have been turning over and over in my head this week.

"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom.” {Gal. 5: 13-15}

What the heck does that mean?  I don’t feel like I live a free life.  I picture freedom like standing at the edge of a cliff holding my arms out and my hair blowing in the breeze (Titanic style.)  I feel like I can’t get my act together.  My life seems pretty sticky and messy to me.  I am a disaster.

What’s that phrase, 'the devil is in the details?'  That is my story.  I am someone who gets caught up in and trips over life’s minor catastrophes. It is a slow fade into despair for me. A day full of bank card calls and spilt coffee can truly do me in.

This verse has been rotating through my mind as I slowly have given in to frustration.  I think freedom is starting to become clearer to me.  The freedom I can have, if I choose to partake is simple and oh so sweet.  I think it might be grace.  Grace to be ok with the crazy, with the loss of control, with the annoyances that discourage my spirit.  Grace to say “It’s ok to not have it together."

And then, as I allow my imperfections and chaos to settle and lose the weight they hold, I can begin to see I have the freedom to love.

That is the freedom I miss out on.  The freedom to love others.  I would bet I am not the only one who doesn’t have it together and it would sure be nice to know.

So I will go on with my day, choosing grace and love and I think I will make that phone call to an old friend who might need a little reminder she is loved.

*erin

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